Charley Dean Sayers’ Picture Ebook Is an Unfiltered Doc of Her Transition

Mannequin and artist Charley Dean Sayers understands the need of nuance in her new ebook seventeenth November. The assortment of pictures, medical ephemera and diary entries file her expertise of present process sex-reassignment surgical procedure in Thailand in 2017, providing a ruthlessly trustworthy story of transitioning on the age of 18. Unafraid of the distressing realities of transitioning, her recollections resist the temptation of predictable narratives of empowerment, as an alternative acknowledging the ache, labour and stress of transitioning. Portraits present a scared 18-year-old, anxious about present process extremely invasive surgical procedure, diary entries file her emotions of terror and disgrace, particulars of the dilation course of mark the painful and ongoing journey of restoration.

“The trans group is never afforded the best to be unfiltered, when every thing is seen by way of such a political lens by everybody else,” says Sayers. “We spend a lot time preventing to simply have primary rights and autonomy over our personal gender and expression that when healthcare is lastly afforded to us, it feels such as you haven’t had time to course of what that basically means. You don’t get time to cease and really feel the processes occurring to your physique. It’s in the end going to be a contented ending, however am I prepared for all the turmoil that’s going to come back?”

The ebook is the product of a journey of therapeutic and reflection for each her and her mom, who Sayers describes as “a shining instance of what it means to help a trans baby”, having spent hours on LGBTQ+ chatrooms in search of recommendation from elder trans ladies and unwaveringly supporting Sayers by way of every step of her transition. “I believe she had been wanting ahead to surgical procedure as a lot as I had,” says Sayers. “She knew what that meant for me by way of my confidence and my happiness. No person is aware of me like my mum does. However she’s additionally been put by way of this emotional course of. Surgical procedure doesn’t simply have an effect on the individual it’s occurring to, it impacts everybody.” 

Essentially the most emotional elements of the ebook are Sayers’ mom’s diary entries, which display the advanced feelings she felt as a carer – without delay excited for her daughter, but additionally scared for her baby’s well being and wellbeing. House for the emotional worlds of the carers of trans folks is usually ignored, and Sayers is each tactile and beneficiant with its inclusion. Their maternal relationship lies on the core of the challenge with most of the photographs within the ebook being taken by Sayer’s mom, who regardless of a bit of resistance, agreed to doc the method. “She’s actually glad that she did do it, however on the time it was extraordinarily exhausting for her,” she says. “There have been situations the place she simply outright refused to take footage of a number of the issues that I used to be going by way of. However she agrees now that this ebook and all the content material does make it simpler to course of.”

Whereas troublesome for her mom, Sayers noticed the documentation course of as key to mentally making ready herself for the intimacy of the process. “Viewing the surgical procedure as an artwork challenge was positively a coping mechanism, whether or not I realised it on the time or not,” says Sayers. “Whenever you begin transitioning, it could actually typically really feel like a artistic challenge. It turns into a technique of accumulating and curating your environment so as so that you can flourish and change into your self. Going into surgical procedure, it didn’t really feel any completely different.”

seventeenth November strives for a nuanced understanding of trans healthcare, dismissing the viability of single narratives. Sayers is clear that her expertise can solely depend for herself. “It doesn’t matter what I do, to a big group of society, I can be talking for my group. This can be a big weight when the content material actually is nearly my physique and my fact. It’s so private, for each single individual. No, two trans individuals are going to have the very same experiences.”

seventeenth November by Charley Dean Sayers launches on February seventeenth on the Picture Ebook Cafe in London.